I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
