How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
