The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
