i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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