So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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