And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
