Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The uberlube is also flammable
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
