Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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