i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
