Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
