dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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