that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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