Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I party with great urgency now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
