hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
