Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
