it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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