If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize