I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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