Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
