I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
