i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
