Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
