look no pants
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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