He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
