My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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