So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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