i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
