dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
