sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
