If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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