can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i barfeds in our rink
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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