its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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