Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
