God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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