My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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