I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
