I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
