I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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