look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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