a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
