I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
