Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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