everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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