I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
