Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
