I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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