were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize