Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sex in a hospital.. check
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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