like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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