Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
