How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
