Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
