they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
