My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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