So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
