i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
