Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize