She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
