I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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