so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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